Mortality Bites

Life has been so hectic the past several weeks, I hadn't noticed the calendar all that much. Oh, I look at the calendar 20-30 times a day; when you work in a manufacturing plant that produces dated goods, your professional life pretty much revolves around pack dates, ship dates and invoice dates. However, I normally just glance at it and find the date I am seeking to fill in a cell on a spreadsheet, insert to a document or write in an e-mail. I rarely stop and think about what the date is, what time of year it is, or how the dates in front of me will impact my life on a personal level.

But the other day, a co-worker reminded me - quite gleefully, I might add! - that I was going to be a "member of the club" soon. It took me a second, then I realized what she was talking about: I'd be turning 40 in a mere 7 days. And I had completely forgotten about that fact.

Not that it bothers me so much to turn 40. I still feel pretty good physically. I have an exceptional amount of energy for someone who rarely sleeps and exercises even more rarely (thanks caffeine!), and having a 4-year-old, and addictions rock music and video games keeps me young in spirit as well. I've heard people say that 30's the new 20, so maybe 40's the new 30 too.

I'm also happier now than I've ever been in my life. I have a great family, a good job, a beautiful home, a cheaper version of my dream car and money in the bank. More important than any of the material things, though, is my sense of comfort with myself. I don't have a lot of real friends outside of the confines of online social networking, and I'm fine with that. I'm too busy to spend any time with them anyway. I don't care what people think about me anymore, either; I wasted a lot of years stressing about pleasing others, but as long as my family and my boss are happy with me, then nothing else really matters.

But as I got to thinking more about this fast-approaching milestone, I realized that there was one thing that does, indeed, make me feel kind of old and depressed: all the good people I've known and loved in my life that haven't made it to this milestone with me.

Obviously, my parents are at the top of the list. Most of the 40-year-olds I know still have two living parents. But my folks were already in their 40's by the time I came along, and they were called home before I got to this point. I think about them every day, and I miss them badly every day. Not having them around, even to talk to via long distance on a Sunday night, has left a huge void in my life that I will never be able to fill.

Then, there are those really special friends I have lost, and like my parents, I think about them most every day. People like Gary Flintom, a friend and former bandmate whom I loved like a brother, who died after losing a brave battle with cancer several years ago; Caylon Roach, one of my best friends in high school, and one of the funniest people I've ever met in my life, who died suddenly of complications from sleep apnea; and Wesley Fish, one of the only people I ever hung out with for an extended period of time that I never once saw in a bad mood, which made it even harder to swallow the fact that he had taken his own life. Gary, Caylon and Wesley were people I was extremely close to at different points in my life, and I will always treasure the time I was able to spend with them.

And then there are those who simply passed through my life for short periods of time, but still managed to make an impact on me: Rocky Horton, Juan Munoz, Randy Smith, and Daryl Ritch, just to name a few. Though I would not call any of these guys anything more than acquaintances, I knew all of them, liked them, and they all died far too young.

So I realized that as I approach 40, the list of people I know who have died is rapidly growing, forcing me to confront my own mortality. As you get older, you begin to realize just how short our time on Earth really is. You've got to treasure every moment you have with your friends and family; we always say that, but sometimes life gets busy and we have to give ourselves a reality check to that fact. I want to watch my son grow up and have a family of his own, but there is no guarantee that I will be able to do that. So I'm making a conscious effort now to spend as much time with the people I love as I can. And I want to let every one of my friends know right now that I love each and every one of you and I'm a better person for having had you in my life. No matter that we may live thousands of miles apart, live completely different lifestyles or have vastly different worldviews; you guys ROCK!!

Happy Birthday to me!!